Come Undone Chapter One : Red Flowers in Bloom
by Kinozakura
Summary: Gojyo X Hakkai, Hakkai X Sanzo, Sanzo X Hakkai. Gojyo realizes that there's something that goes deeper than friendship for Hakkai, who feels the same way. Only about someone else. Rated R for violence, yaoi and psychological jargon in this and later chapt
1. Default Chapter

Come Undone  
Chapter One  
Saiyuki Fanfiction  
Characters (c) to Kazuya Minekura and ENIX studios. Don't come after me, it ain't my series, but I love it anyway. Hehe.  
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The sky was still a deep blue as he awoke from his slumber, clear sapphire with the renmants of last night's stars faintly glowing through the window, shedding pale, snow-coloured light that reflected off his eyes. Everything else was a hazy greyish blur that began to fade as it moved towards the horizon.  
  
The beauty of pre-dawn. He drew in a deep breath of the sapphire sky and the glowing stars and sighed before stretching his lithe body luxuriously. Leaning against the whitewashed wall, he allowed the stillness to slowly flow through each and every bone in his body.   
  
His scarlet eyes slowly drifted themselves close, like the faint whispers of rose petals descending onto the ground. A gentle breeze wafted past, carrying the song of starry slumber to his ears.  
  
"Gojyo! You're awake!"  
"Aa...nanda?" His eyelids snapped open at the sound of a voice calling at him through the doorway.  
"Are you hungry? I'm cooking!" Cho Hakkai waved a spatula as he leaned against the frame and grinned. Even in the dim light, Gojyo could make out a pink apron tied around his slender waist.  
"A little, I suppose. Pink is really your colour, very fetching." He laughed as he swung his feet to the wooden floor.  
"Haha, very funny. Is there anything you want in particular?" Hakkai made as if to frown.  
  
Gojyo walked towards his companion and wrapped his arms around his waist.  
  
"How about you?" He grinned at him as he watched him blush furiously and struggle to keep his composure.   
"A..re...uh, something's burning, would you...you know, excuse me?" He laughed nervously and tried to pry away the other man's hands.  
"Che..." Gojyo shook his head and let go as Hakkai ran down the steps to the kitchen, spatula in hand and pink ribbon flying out from behind him.  
  
Gojyo took a step back and sighed, 'Crazy...I can't believe I did that,' he thought to himself as he lit a cigarette and took a long drag. The sky had lightened just a little as the glowing end forged an ember trail in a plethora of dark blue and black. A faint wisp of silvery smoke spiralled slowly up to the ceiling before spreading in an organized mess of tangles and dissipating.  
  
"Is there anything you want to eat?" Hakkai's voice rose faintly up the staircase and melted away, just like the smoke.  
"Heh, you..." He muttered to himself as took a last drag on his cigarette before calling down, "how about some snacks?"  
"Uhm...what?"  
"Argh, just give me a minute..." He rolled his eyes as he threw the still-burning stub out of the window. It streaked downwards in a small vermillion inferno, scoring an orange mark, like that of a shooting star.  
  
"...some snacks will do I suppose..." Gojyo made his way to the kitchen, where Hakkai was already busying himself with random ktchen objects, and of course, his pink apron. The oil lamp had been lighted and gave the surrounding area a warm glow.  
  
"Hmm..." He looked around in the larder and on the table, "You want some muffins for breakfast?"  
"OK."   
  
Hakkai began pulling out paper bags and started scrounging for ingredients. He pulled out a couple of eggs, flour and a pack of half-melted butter. He sighed at the last item but left it on the table anyway before laughing.  
  
"Haha, I'm surprised I can find anything in this -- A...re?" Gojyo's arms had again encircled themselves around him and pulled him towards his body. He stood still, protective pink kitchen covering and all as his captor began to nuzzle his neck.  
  
"H...Hey! Stop that!" He yelped and began to squirm. He faced him after breaking free, his face flushing bright red as he panted slightly, "Please...don't do that again."  
"Huh...whatever. I'm going to take a shower. Don't come in unless you want a...'body check'!" Gojyo grinned and winked as he sauntered out of the room.  
"OK...I'll...make you something!"   
  
He snorted and disappeared into the pale-blue tiled bathroom. The sky was now light turquoise and a few golden fingers of light began to stream in through the doorway.  
  
Hakkai pulled out a chair and sat heavily into it as his hands grabbed the sides of his head.  
  
"I slave for all of you...and there's not even a word of thanks. You think it's so easy to always smile...?" He mumbled softly to no one in particular as he violently gripped the table's ingredients before turning to the stove.  
  
The egg soared into the air, graceful as any other gymnast or ballet dancer, it's streamlined shape guiding its travel. The shell caught the light and gleamed, a perfect, solid beige colour, before landing back into the hands of it's owner, unsplattered and still, amazingly, very much whole.  
  
"What was that...?" The egg had began it's journey by a sporadic movement of Hakkai's hands due to the shock of hearing an ear-splitting crash and a very loud swearword from the bathroom. More accurately, it sounded like Gojyo landing on the bathroom floor like a ton of bricks and a loudly produced sound that reminded one of of the sounds made after stubbing one's toe.  
  
He ran to the bathroom, egg still in hand.  
  
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"Oi! Gojyo! Daijoubu desuka?" He peered over the bathtub cautiously as the egg hid in his palm.  
"Fuck...I slipped on a bar of soap..." The victim of the universal slip sat on the floor, glaring at the antagonistic, non-living object, all the while muttering things that shouldn't be said or heard under his breath.  
  
Carefully placing the ingredient in his pocket, Hakkai stretched out his arm and pulled him up.  
  
"You're so careless...You're what? 25 and you can't give yourself a proper bath?" He grinned.  
"It's not my fault that the bar of soap was on the floor, is it?"  
"But still..." He picked up the offending article and kept it on the rack, "Your food is almost done, I just need to get something else."  
  
Gojyo limped over to the toilet bowl, closed the seat and sat down.  
  
"You need ointment?"   
"Yeah...I think."  
"Alrighty then..." Hakkai opened the silver lined medicine box and brought out a tube of something that looked suspisciously like toothpaste, "Let's check for bruises."   
  
The red-headed adult was already busy rubbing his ankle as the other surveyed the damage.  
  
"It's just a slight sprain. Nothing serious." Hakkai smiled as he rubbed the suspiscious toothpaste-thing onto the injured ankle and began to bandage it. Gojyo winced at the pressure.  
  
"Gomen nasai, it won't hurt after a while, ne?"  
"Thing is, it's hurting NOW...ouch!"  
"Well...I can't kiss it and make it better, can I? I'm not your mother."  
"I know."  
"But Sanzo sure is! Haha..." Hakkai grinned widely, "but don't tell him I said that, ne?"  
"Not as if I'd like him to kiss my feet anyway, despite the fact that it is a rather...tempting concept." He snickered.  
"Anyway, we happen to have run out of certain items. I'll be back in about an hour, the shops should have opened about now. And I happen to have stolen Sanzo's plastic."  
  
'God...he's so unbelieveably cute when he smiles.' Thoughts began to pour through Gojyo's head as the duo walked into the kitchen.  
  
"We'll need more eggs, instant noodles, bottled water...oh, there's an egg in my pocket. I wonder how it got there." He stopped from making a verbal checklist to look at the egg. He shrugged and left it on the table.  
"I'll go with you."  
"NO. You're injured. Sit down." His arm dragged Gojyo over to a chair as he reproached him in mock anger.  
"Shut up."  
  
'Stubborn...' A little sigh filtered itself through Hakkai's brunette head. "OK, let's go then." He shook his head.  
  
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"Kirei desu ne! Gojyo! You have to take a look!" Hakkai whirled around in the shop cradling a vase of blooming red flowers.  
"What- red...flowers...?"   
  
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"Ne, okaasan! The man at the flower shop told me to give this to you!" Gojyo smiled widely, his little beating heart straining every bit of sincerity to please his mother as he lifted the brown terracotta pot with the vibrant red blooms.  
"Hmm...they're red. A beautiful colour...the colour of beautiful blood!" She lashed out with her arms, knocking the plant violently to the wooden floor. It had shattered into thousands of clay fragments as she reached out and started to claw and mutilate her so-called son.   
"Okaasan! NO! Don't hit me! PLEASE!" His small body curled in protest as he tried to dodge the neverending blows. Tears began to flow freely as he screamed.  
  
Then the door had opened and he came in.  
  
"Okaasan! Stop beating him! Stop it!" He had grabbed her by the shoulders as she turned to sob into his arms.  
"Mother only loves you...Mother only loves you..." He had remembered those words very clearly as he sat on the floor, covered in dirt, blood and tears.  
  
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"Gojyo. Hello?" Hakkai waved a hand in front of his face, "hey!"  
"Huh...what?" The crimson memories faded as he looked into Hakkai's clear emerald eyes. The scarlet was gone, replaced by a pure, transparent jade.  
"I said, we're done here. Now..." A large paper bag was dumped into Gojyo's arms, "let's go!"  
"Oh...OK. I think..." He mumbled to himself as the duo stepped out of the shop. Well, at least Hakkai's pink, preposterous apron was still safely behind the kitchen door. So was his reputation.  
  
The sienna coloured brick loomed around them as they made their way through the back alley. In front of them lay a short walk through a wooded glade. The sun made pale dapples of light on the grass as it splayed its golden fingers of light over the village.  
  
Then Hakkai began humming a tune under his breath. It was catchy, but yet there was a trace of something familiar in it. Something he couldn't place his finger on.   
  
"Isn't that song you're humming Open Up Your Mind?"  
"Hai! How did you know?" Hakkai turned and grinned from behind a mountain of groceries.  
"I...my brother...used to sing that song...whenever my...ah, never mind."  
"I suppose it has something to do with the way you acted when you saw the flowers?"  
  
A flash of the crimson memory zapped through his mind. The gently descending petals of the fresh red blooms...the colour of beautiful blood.  
  
"Aa...well..." Gojyo took a deep breath.  
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."  
"Yeah...I guess..." He collapsed against a tree and dumped the paper bag onto the ground beside him. He closed his eyes as the dappled light fell on his face.  
  
The redness. The redness wouldn't go away. Neither would the screaming.   
  
He gave off a low moan.  
  
"Gojyo? Daijoubu desuka?" Hakkai worriedly knelt down beside him, "Are you sick?"  
"No...I'm just..." He fell forward into Hakkai's arms as his head began to throb painfully.  
"Aa...are?" His arms had instinctively closed around Gojyo's back.   
  
His breathing became shallow as repetitive images of carmine flowers, tears and broken clay bombarded his thoughts. The colour wasn't even flat, it was different, thousands of different shades of the colour he hated the most.  
  
"Make it stop...please!" He managed to cry out as he dug his fingers into Hakkai's arms.  
"Make what stop!?"  
"Everything...okaasan...the flowers...the screaming...!"   
"What...?"  
  
Hakkai tentatively took a deep breath as a glow of pale golden energy enveloped his left hand. He gently brought it up to Gojyo's pale forehead, who moaned as screams, shattering vases and maternal agony clamoured for his attention.  
  
Gradually the red lessened to a pale pink, then to a complete sense of whiteness as his body fell limp.  
  
"Are you better now?" Hakkai withdrew his hand from the other's forehead.  
"Yeah...thank you...aa..."  
  
'I don't want to leave just yet...I want to stay here...with you...' A coherent sentence floated gently through his head.  
  
"Can we go now...?"   
"Aa...I suppose so..." He reluctantly pulled away and looked at the bemused Hakkai as he stood up and lifted the paper bag again.  
  
"I can't believe it...red flowers...triggering such memories..." A tear threatened to spill out of the corner of his eye, "Thank god you stopped it...in time..."  
  
'What am I feeling...?'  
  
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After they had reached the inn, Gojyo pulled out a chair and fell into it rather heavily. It had dissipated...for now anyway.  
  
"I don't suppose you want to talk about it?" Hakkai asked softly as he sat next to his friend while rearranging the groceries.  
"Well...those flowers...reminded me of my mother...and...things like that. And it just got out of control. I'm sorry."  
"Don't apologize. At least I was there."  
  
'You're always there...the proverbial caregiver.' He mused silently to himself.  
  
"Well, it's my turn to take a shower now. It's almost nine, the others should be awake in a while. Food will be ready soon." He smiled and walked into the bathroom, and soon the drawing of curtains and more humming filtered through to Gojyo's ears as he laid his head on the burnished table.  
  
'I can't put my finger on this...what am I thinking? Is it...possible, even?'  
  
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'Yare yare...Gojyo's so stubborn...I wish that incident with the flowers didn't happen. Well, at least he's OK now, I hope...' He began to soap himself while thinking. 'Maybe after the others are awake he'll go back to his normal self...'  
  
'I've never seen him like this.'  
  
~Owari Chapter 1~  
  
Please read and review, minna! Will be re-editing this entire chapter soon, so please support me~ XD. I'm shameless, but please review anyway, onegai? 


	2. Come Undone Chapter Two : Can You Unders...

Come Undone  
Chapter Two  
Relative copyrights and disclaimers apply. I DO want a Sanzo of my own, though.  
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Gojyo stood up and walked slowly over to the bathroom. He could see the silhouette of Hakkai from behind the blue frosted curtains as he swallowed a lump in his throat.  
  
He was so engrossed in his thoughts that it took a couple of seconds to realize that the arms around his waist weren't his. He could feel warmth seeping through his slick body, but it certainly wasn't from the water.  
  
"Go...Gojyo! What are you doing!?"  
"I'm not sure myself..." He whispered into Hakkai's ear as his hands moved across his body.  
"Let go of me!" He cried as he was forced against the wall, his arms bent against the wall.  
"I won't...not this time..."  
"Stop it! Please!" His voice was strained, almost to the edge of tears. Even more so because he could feeling his body begin to respond.  
  
His only answer was a trail of kisses down his neck.  
  
"Don't...please...!" Tears had forced themselves out of his eyes as his arms tried desperately to dislodge himself.  
"Hakkai...I think...I love you..." Another whisper.  
"NO!"   
  
Gojyo stepped back as Hakkai whirled around to face him.  
  
"I don't...Gojyo. If this is your idea of a joke it isn't funny...!"  
"I'm not joking. I do..."  
"No. No no no no no. You can't be."  
"Hakkai...I-"  
"If you do, I don't. Certainly." Hakkai cut him off, "It's not...right...and besides...I..."  
"You love someone else, don't you?"  
"How did you..."  
"It's always like this...isn't it?  
"What do you want me to do!?" Hakkai screamed as he wrapped a towel around his waist, "You can't force me to love you!"  
  
A stony silence ensued for what seemed like an eternity, mere seconds passing by, each lasting an equivalent of a lifetime.  
  
"Naze..." Water streamed down his flaming scarlet hair in crystalline rivers, mixing with his tears as they flowed down his face. He collapsed onto his knees on the cold navy enamel floor of the bathroom and began to sob quietly, his eyes large and strangely, eerily dark.  
  
The shower was still running. The water like the rain. Frozen, unfeeling, as it slammed down onto the two bodies, continuing its journey with gravity without a care.  
  
Even outside, the sun sent its golden fingers over the world, and the birds began to chorus.  
  
Hakkai knelt down, his forelock plastered over his eyes, those clear reflective jewels.  
  
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...lash out at you like that..." He stuttered as he triend to lay a hand on his weeping comrade's shoulder.  
  
Gojyo shrank away, pressing himself up against the white tiled walls. He was so cold, so, so cold, and he simply wanted a ray of warmth more than anything else. Hakkai was his sun, the only reason why he took everything as it came: Sanzo's threats, Goku's consistent whining...  
  
"What! What do you want me to do!? YOU can't force myself to love you!" Hakkai cried out in dismay, "I...I can't force myself either..."  
  
It came out softly, almost inaudibly.  
  
"Hakkai...just one chance...only one..." He raised a tired, pained face to Hakkai's fed-up expression, "Onegai...just one...I'll do anything..."  
"I...I don't know..." He turned away, hurling yet another shower of frozen rain cascading upon him.  
"Onegai...please...just let me prove to you that...that I..."   
"I can't."  
  
Sapped of all emotional strength, Gojyo tried to stand, his hands braced against the slippery walls for support. He never knew when his legs had felt so weak, so uncooperative.  
  
There was only one other time that he had felt this helpless, this desolate...this alone.  
  
Hakkai reached out an arm to hold him as Gojyo swayed slightly, his feet somehow trading places with his hands, or so it seemed.  
  
"Let go of me." He spat at Hakkai, wrenching his arm away. Stalking to the doorway, he left little puddles of water on the floor as he stepped, drenched, out and away to his room.  
  
"Gojyo...!" Hakkai ran up to him, wrapping a grey terry towel around him.  
"I didn't know you cared."  
"Don't be so stupid!"  
"Oh, so now I'm evil, AND stupid, eh?" He glared daggers as he towelled himself relatively dry and strode angrily out the doorway, "don't bother waiting for me."  
  
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It may have been early morning, but already the village was teeming with life. Each stall bustled with activity as old ladies claimed to have the freshest fruit, children bought sweets and colourful candies and other edibles. All you needed was a few coppers to make your stomach as happy as a rich man's.  
  
The almost sickening aura of happiness annoyed Gojyo immensely. He fumbled in his pocket and felt for a few coins. He didn't have enough for his cigarettes.  
  
A rude word escaped his lips with a lot more force and brutality than normal. The stallholder took a rapid glance at his shakujou.  
  
He had his cigarettes now. Sticking the cancer stick into his mouth, he lighted it, the silver smoke trailing around his head like a sick parody of a fallen angel's halo before dissipating.  
  
'I never thought I'd end up like this again...' He thought miserably to himself, feeling out of place in the joyousness that exuded from everywhere, 'I give my heart to someone, and it always ends up being broken.'  
  
'Then why did I even decide to love you? Was I blind? Do you know that when I took that step to loving you, I cried every night, hoping so hard that you'd love me back. I wanted to be the one to hold you, to protect you, to tell you that everything was all right.'  
  
'I wanted to be the one you loved. The one you'd turn to, the one you'd hold, the one you'd protect and tell that everything was all right.'  
  
'Why can't I? Why do you love someone else? Or is it because you can't forget Kanna? Let me help you forget, and start over. I know what's behind the smile...'  
  
'But it seems that the gods are playing a game with me.'  
  
'Well, damn you.' Thoughts streamed throughout his consciousness as he absent-mindedly stopped at stalls for a stick of caramelised honey, or a small jade pendant. Anything to distract him for a few seconds was worth it.  
  
'At least whores don't play you one.' He moved towards a brothel. The sky was slightly darkening, a faint tinge of blue caressing the golden sky.  
  
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The night sky was dotted with flaming stars and the still-full moon. Mirrored in the village were the lighted kerosene lamps of the late stalls. Through the window, Hakkai could spot the lone villager browsing around, the couple buying each other flowers, the children playing the hastily set-up games.  
  
And the door suddenly slammed open, and the stench of stale alcohol and cigarette smoke hit him with the force of a sledgehammer as Gojyo staggered in, obviously stoned drunk.  
  
"Gojyo! You're back!" Hakkai rushed from his vantage point to guide him to a chair, "Oh gods, you're drunk! Have you been visiting the brothel again...?"  
"So what if I have? At least...they...don't play you-!!" He retched a little.  
"It isn't safe..."  
"You give a damn for my welfare?"  
"You could get hurt..." Hakkai heart stung at the last comment.  
  
Gojyo stared at the finely ingrained texture of the mahogany table.  
  
"Sanzo's the one you love, isn't he?" He choked out the question as his fist clenched tightly, almost tightly enough to draw blood.  
"How...?" Hakkai blushed furiously as his eyes widened.  
"I've seen the way you look at him...the way you treat him...and of course, today I had a lot of time of to speculate."  
  
His fist crashed down onto the table. Everyone else was asleep, and the sound resonated through the silence.  
  
"You'll hurt yourself! I didn't wait for you for nothing!" Hakkai grabbed his fist.  
"Hn...why should you care? Shouldn't you be with the corrupt monk screwing each other like crazy about now!?"  
"Gojyo! It wasn't what I meant!" He tightened his grip.  
"LET GO!"  
  
Hakkai forcefully grabbed him by the shoulders and violently shook him.  
  
"Sha Gojyo! You...you know that...that wasn't what I meant..."  
  
He was stunned.  
  
"You know it wasn't..." He lowered his gaze to the floor.  
"Then what did you mean by that? Just what?"  
"I...I..."  
"You fucking what?"  
"Don't know myself...I mean...I do love him...but he doesn't..."  
"Hn, don't give me that shit!"  
"It's difficult for me too, OK!"  
"THEN WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Gojyo's voice rose to a tremulous crescendo.  
  
Hakkai fell to the floor and wrapped his arms around himself.  
  
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."  
"I'm sure."  
"It's not because I...I...but...I'm being unrecipocrated myself..."  
"Then...why can't you give me a chance? You might end up loving me for all you know..."  
"I..." He raised his eyes, "Don't know...I'm confused! PLEASE!"  
  
He quickly stood and began to run.  
  
The last thing he heard was an anguished voice crying out his name as his footsteps echoed down the seemingly endless corridoors.  
  
'How could you love me...when you knew I loved him? From the very start?"  
  
-Owari Chapter Two-  
Pity FF.net removed the NC-17 rating, or we would have seen a lot more in the beginning. Well, there's a scene with Sanzo in a later chapter. I think chapter 4, if I remember correctly. 


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